When you have come from a bad relationship or trying to get back on your feet again from any emotional struggle, or simply feeling lost without direction, it may not be easy especially if it has long been part of your everyday life. Of course we all want a fulfilling relationship but finding a really good one does not come as we hope it would – besides it is never wise to jump into another “just because”, doing so might just be a rebound relationship. It is best to let the dust settle and allow the mind and emotions in a proper perspective. So can we be happy even without a relatiomship (at least not “yet”)? Here are some advice or tips.
Take good care of yourself. Everything starts from feeling good and confident about yourself. Get a new look, haircut, watch your weight, exercise (with consult from doctor), eat healthfully so you feel good and energetic. Smile – it helps to make you feel good and to see someone smile back at you will also raise your spirits.
Fix up the home or room. If it is impossible or impractical to move away from things that sadly remind you of the past, re-doing your home or room can be therapeutic, aside from having a conducive place to come home to, making you feel relaxed.
Think of what you want to do- in every aspect: career, hobby, sports, or learn something new, explore and discover what you might be good at – doing so gives you a sense of fulfillment and increases your confidence and self-esteem. Have a daily goal and accomplishment to feel purpose in life. This is better than looking behind – if we focus on what we left behind, we can never see the beauty or opportunity that lies ahead.
Socialize w/ groups of similar interests, find support groups to help in making you rise from the emotional slump, knowing you are understood and you are not alone. You can also start with a family member or friend or two to whom you can express your thoughts and emotions.
Participate in volunteer organizations – this gives an uplifting feeling knowing you have helped or contributed to someone’s betterment.
Find good self-help books. Read reviews to find the book suited for you.
Have a pet.
Live simply. Having too many wishes beyond what you can realistically achieve will only make you feel inadequate or dissatisfied. Work hard for your goal, stay focused but be content with what you can achieve. Do not compare yourself with others, for we have no control of that. Instead, compare yourself with yourself – what can you do given the chance to do your best, and what are you actually doing?
Finally, learn to look at the bright side of things and be more conscious of what you have and work from this. There are many things in our midst that are so commonplace that we take things for granted and instead, sulk on our misfortunes. The fact that you can read this means you are better off than a greater majority who have no access to internet or a computer. Or even the gift of vision in itself…many wake up everyday not seeing the world around us…or incapacitated to function normally.
Happiness is really very subjective and depends on one’s mindset. Changing your perspectives, goals and activities can really spell the difference on being positive and how to be happy.
Hearing all sorts of situations in the support group I am in, many problems were around saving a relationship. We all dream of a happy ever after, and as much as possible we want to save a marriage, – that is always the primary goal. However to be realistic, it may not always be the case and we wonder if it is worth saving.
In one’s desire to save a relationship, the first thing to determine is: is the relationship worth saving in the first place? There can be any reason we are blinded to save a relationship and hang on to it even if upon weighing things, the rational mind will say it is not actually worth it. One is the fear of being alone; or having to start again, or separation anxiety, having lived with someone for so many years. Or may be for the sake of the kids. Or for financial survival.
While some of the reasons may seemingly be valid like for the kids or for practical financial reasons, the bottomline is – save the relationship for the right reasons – ask these questions:
1. Are you both willing to work on it, accept your own mistakes and make changes?
2. Can you both still restore trust, respect, love and see good in the other?
3. Can you still see each other as having a chance to be happily together and standing by each other no matter what happens several years from now?
4. Do you have long-term happiness and peace of mind?
5. Can you still see what attracted you to each other in the first place?
6. Can you still laugh together?
7. Can you still bring out the best in each other, are you better with each other (or do you just feel miserable with each other)?
If so, both should work to help peel off the layers of resentment, indifference and callousness built over the years to be able to reach each other’s innermost core which was why you fell in love with each other in the first place.
Don’t stay in the relationship or marriage for the wrong reasons. It will not last and will eventually give way some day. One will just get continually frustrated trying so hard and wonder why nothing is happening, like a relationship on a resuscitating machine. Two people who cannot stay on will just continue to hurt each other or be hurt and live a lie, and will just make it more difficult to move on if the relationship is not worth saving.
Other than this very reason, other reasons like the kids, financial reasons, or fear of being alone or having separation anxiety may not be enough reason – why? Because when two people cannot love, trust respect each other, if there is no peace of mind and long term happiness, couples will just continue to agitate, irritate and antagonize each other, causing more stress, even for the kids.
“Just for the kids” or feeling sorry for a child simply because you cannot give a complete family set-up is not even enough if you cannot really find love, trust and respect for each other – it is less unhealthy for the kids to live with separate parents but in a peaceful environment than having parents staying together but witnessing their parents fighting, disrespecting each other. This is harmful for the kids’ own emotional health and development. Fighting parents will just waste their energy arguing, yelling, hurting each other and thus compromising what could have otherwise been more time and attention for the kids. There are countless children who have grown up to be successful, well-adjusted and well-rounded adults even with single parents. As parents we do not compromise the kids’ healthy and peaceful living atmosphere just to be together when this will mean constant fighting and disrespect.
Bottomline: while we all want a fairy tale and a happy ever after, don’t be blinded stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons if you have tried all your best to save the relationship – the only way to start to be able to save a relationship successfully is if there is even the least bit of willingness on both parties and the very core of love trust respect and seeing the goodness in each other still exists. Look deep inside if it is worth saving or you are otherwise just trying too hard and time to accept and let go.
Better yet, before it gets to what we feel as an irreversible stage, couples should always have a “relationship health check” and work on keeping and saving the relationship. It is when couples start taking each other for granted and communication breaks down that a relationship starts going downhill. A marriage or a relationship is always a working progress and should never be taken for granted – everyday.
You will find even more useful and insightful ideas about handling your marriage successfully and keeping it happy and healthy in the book Save My Marriage Today. This ebook has helped thousands of marriages across the globe and is a very useful guide for married couples.
A little introduction to this issue – when I first got this controversial report by Michael Lombardi, entitled the Critical Warning Number Six (the link of which will be found below), while it is an economic issue, we all know how economic and financial standings can affect relationships whether it be a marriage, family or even for singles in a relationship, that I feel I had to share to readers. Money matters collectively is one of the triggers of divorce, and is one of the factors involved as to where and how a marriage or family will thrive, as well as planning for the future to the point of considering relocation sometimes around the globe. Thus I felt the moral obligation to share this report so as to give ample time for couples and families to plan ahead. In the Critical Warning number Six, Michael Lombardi talks of his expert prediction of a major US economic disaster in six months ( as of August 14, 2011) or maybe less.
In case one might think that this is a prophet-like prediction, it is far from that. Michael Lombardi has a master’s degree in one of Europe’s oldest universities – his passion has always been analyzing the economy and has been known to have made several predictions based on expert analysis in the past decade, to include the surge of gold prices, the crash of the housing market in the US in 2007, the crash of the stock market thus resulting to recession in 2008 and 2009. And now in this Critical Warning number six, he talks of an economic disaster several months from the report was released (August 14, 2011), worse than 2008 and likened to The Great Depression.
While this is a controversial report, being forewarned of this Critical Warning Number Six will help us get prepared should it come. Aside from his personal recommendations about where to put your money on for the long-term, on the immediate short-term action plan when unemployment is becoming an ever growing threat, it is best to prepare us through several ways: (1) acquiring additional skills to enable us to adapt to employment opportunities; (2) finding other sources of income, one that is globally-based so that the impact of recession is lessened (as opposed to local sources), such as internet opportunities (click here for some ideas); (3) looking at opportunities abroad whether for mere employment or an entire family relocation where it will be more feasible to live.
Secure a good health insurance for you and your family.
Learn to live simply and curb on some wants and unnecessary expenses.
Find ways to cut on bills and expenses, find a related article on this site Ways and Resources for Debt and Financial Freedom Through Better Choices.
So click here to know more of Michael Lombardi’s Critical Warning number Six.
How To Make Him Want You More?
You met someone and somehow it went well initially, you found some common interests, but he seems not to be so interested in you yet… or he has really expressed some interest but you are not quite satisfied of his behaviour and you wonder: how to make him want you more and make him chase you? Read on for few tips that will help you do this: Read More…
To know how to deal with jealousy in a relationship,
you must identify the root cause. Is the jealousy caused by the behavior of your current partner? Is it a result of being burned in your past relationship? Or is it just plain insecurity within you?
How To Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship because of your partner’s behavior
Is your partner the flirty type? Or has your partner broken your trust? Either way if he or she has given you a reason to be jealous and suspicious, jealousy due to this cannot be resolved by you alone. You need to constantly communicate with your partner this feeling and that he or she knows that if you are both to save the relationship, the offending or faltering partner needs to know that he or she has to work doubly hard to earn your trust again, creating, setting agreements to rebuild trust. This does not happen overnight and is a working progress.
The offending partner more than ever needs to know that you need constant reassurance and to win back your trust through transparency and openness. At this point be aware that because of a broken trust, you will tend to have a controlling behavior which might kill the relationship. Being aware of this will help you from being controlling.
Dealing with jealousy due to being burned in a past relationship is however a different matter. You should not come in a new relationship carrying jealousy issues over a past love, and learn to give your new partner a clean slate without casting on him/her a fault of someone else. Nevertheless, it helps to communicate this to your partner so that he/she understands you and can help you heal as you help yourself also get over this fear.
How to get over jealousy due to own insecurity
This stems from lack of self-confidence, and as such, you need to address your esteem issues. Strive to be the best of yourself in every aspect, taking care of yourself physically, cultivating your strengths whether it be at school, work, sports or hobbies. Socialize with friends so as not to put too much focus on your partner – one should never totally build one’s life entirely around your partner alone. You both need independent interests to have a healthy relationship too. And this will keep you from nitpicking on every move your partner makes.
Jealousy is a serious issue and should be dealt with early on, and certainly knowing the root cause always helps one to deal with jealousy in a relationship.
Get ready to learn how to stop jealousy in a relationship now before it rips you apart through this self-help ebook No More Jealousy Guidebook. It is a great reference ebook which will help you understand and thus deal with your jealousy issues and build a happy and fulfilling relationship.
How to be romantic to your girlfriend or wife
sometimes does not come easy since it is usually the woman who is emotional to the point of knowing how to be romantic. So if you want to get to the habit of being romantic to your girlfriend or wife, read on.
How to be romantic to your girlfriend
Small spontaneous gestures are romantic…like picking a flower by the bush you pass by, or stealing a kiss on a woman’s hand.
Public displays of affection or just about anything that shouts to the world how you love her is very romantic. Women love those.
Sudden “unplanned “ dates are romantic. Small thoughtful gifts “just because” are romantic as opposed to giving gifts on scheduled things like birthdays or holidays and anniversaries….those occasions merit a little more creativity like surprise vacations, “snatching “ your woman from school or work for a date or any unwinding activity is romantic.
Surprising your girlfriend by secretly asking her family and freinds about her favorite things is romantic. And so is knowing her personal preferences and revolving on these preferences for little surprises. Giving generic, off-the-shelf gifts are generally not romantic and sends a message that it is not well-thought of and just gping through the motion of giving something.
Flowers are always romantic…though you may want some variation as to how to use them…break them into petals and have them strewn wherever you might bring her, as stuffing in a gift box or on her car’s sunvisor.
There need not be spending to be romantic to your girlfriend or wife. Even just taking walks and devoting time and attention is always romantic.
Having terms of endearment or pet names is romantic and so is touching, caressing even as you talk.
Listening to romantic songs or watching romantic movies always helps, and it is also where you can get ideas, or endearing lines and just about anything on how to be romantic to your girlfriend.
Read a related post: Romantic Ideas To Keep The Love Alive
The Greater Challenge: How To Keep the Romance in a Marriage
How to be romantic to your wife can really be a challenge when you have lived with someone for years and yet this is one of the most important but undermined gestures since this is supposedly a commitment of a lifetime.
It is when you let yourselves fall into that comfort zone trap of living together that you start losing the romance. However it is being together that can also give you the opportunity to be romantic to your wife.
Bringing her breakfast in bed is romantic. Or surprising her with a formal dinner at either home is romantic, complete with all the works, background music, slow dancing, dressing up for the occasion and turn an otherwise ordinary night into an awesome romantic evening.
Taking leisurely sunrise or sunset walks is romantic. Or spending a night just watching a romantic movie cuddled in bed.
Leisurely massages in the bedroom in low light, soft music and gentle room scent is romantic. Or having wine in such conditions.
Taking a vacation to get away from it all especially surprise ones is romantic.
Never forget to say sweet endearing compliments everyday, making her feel how lucky you are to have her.
Read a related article on this website: Tips To Keep a Marriage Exciting
Never stop treating her as you did when you were at the courting stage or as a girlfriend. That’s why the ideas above on how to be romantic to a girlfriend will always apply on how to be romantic to your wife.
How to make a guy love you
may be fairly inaccurate because what men want in a woman varies. Thus it may not have the same answer for everybody. But, speaking in terms of a serious relationship, there are some commonalities on what men want in a woman.
For one thing, although a good-looking woman may make heads turn, it does not necessarily mean that a man will be romantically attracted to her and want her immediately on the long term. Making a guy love you is way beyond looks. While men want their woman to be always attractive generally, what men really want is someone who has a pleasing nature and one who knows how to take care of herself, with a pleasant personality and a genuinely good heart. and is trustworthy.
If you want to make a guy love you, be naturally caring and loving without being too smothery. Showing the guy that you remember details about him like his preferences really gets attention.
Men want a woman who is independent, not clingy nor controlling, one who will respect his space. Whether on the getting-to-know phase or steadily dating or married, never build your entire world on the guy alone.
Men don’t like drama. They hate fighting. What a man wants is a woman who has a calm gentle nature, even in the midst of a misunderstanding. Respect silence and learn to back off instead of taking him on in his temper.
Men appreciate intelligence, wit and humor. It helps to always read because a man wants a woman who, though not necessarily academically intelligent, but can carry a conversation, display sensibility or maturity in thinking, as well as being someone who can make him laugh, make light of a situation.
Emotional support from his partner is also another thing that men want, a woman who will be there whether to support his interests like sports or hobbies, or to share problems with, to listen and to genuinely be behind him to support his decision, or if needed be, to brainstorm with him in making decisions.
Read a related article in this website, Romance Tips – The Unstoppable Magnetic Attraction.
The bottomline is, while women might think that to be flirty, physically attractive or such is how to make a guy love you, what men want to look for is a woman of substance, who can take care of herself, partner and household well, a woman who is nurturing, caring, independent and smart. Be all that and you have a perfect formula on how to make a guy love you.
This amazing book, “The Woman Men Adore…. And Never Want To Leave” is the work of best selling author, Bob Grant, L.P.C. who has been teaching these techniques to women for years in his private practice.
How do you get a girl to like you
and be what women want may vary from one woman to another, as no two women are alike. But amidst these individual preferences, fantasies whims or desires of a woman, there are certain common qualities that women want in the long run – so how do you get a girl and be what women want?
Be a friend first – If you want to know how you get a girl to notice you, be someone she can lean on and depend on when she wants someone to listen and feel that you are there for her.
Honesty- how do you get a girl when she cannot trust you. Women want someone they have peace of mind with, once you have earned her trust you set yourself apart from the rest.
Giving a sense of security and protection – women want to feel they are “safe” in the company of a man, that he is there to protect her and will stand up for her to make sure she will be alright.
Chivalry and manners – To make a woman feel like a queen by opening the door for her, offering you hand to escort her, pulling her chair for her – these are simple gestures but definitely create a lasting “wow” impression and one of the simplest ideas on how you get a girl to like you. Be well-mannered as well about how you talk, it gives a woman an impression of being a respectable and dignified man who carries himself well.
Sense of humor and wit – Humor brings out feel-good hormones, so wit and humor is a plus factor. Does not always mean that you have to memorize jokes, but if you want to know how you get a girl to enjoy your company, to have that wit and be jovial, inject funny lines or situations when together is a plus. Many guys have trouble with this so if you are one of them, develop that sense of humor by reading, watching, or being with people who have it.
Intelligence and maturity – Women appreciate a man who can talk smart and think well, one who can be relied upon when it comes to making important decisions and taking charge as the need arises.
A man with purpose and direction – Women want to know that their man can be relied on, not necessarily financially well-off, rather one who is responsible and has some structure and direction in life.
Appreciation – Women want to feel beautiful, special and wanted, and that her efforts are appreciated.
Love and attention without being too clingy or desperate – While women appreciate attention, learn to give some space, not to overdo giving attention – being too clingy and desperate is not how you get a girl, for a woman loves a man who makes her feel emotionally secure without losing his sense of self-confidence.
Hygiene and grooming – A man does not have to have flashy, overdone dressing but simple, smart, neat and smelling pleasant, someone not sloppy not only with himself but with his living environment, neat and well-kept.
An article related to how do you get a girl to be attracted to you, read a related post: The Unstoppable Magnetic Attraction
So there you have it. A woman may have certain peculiarities but these qualities just mentioned are the common thread if you want to know how do you get a girl.
Spontaneous romantic ideas mean so much more when done for no occasion, but “just because”. Everybody else can remember your partner’s birthday or holidays, but spontaneous thoughtful acts make an otherwise ordinary day into a special one for your partner and is what will set your action apart and memorable. Here are some ideas:
Surprise your partner at work – or wherever he or she is going. Send roses or have a favorite lunch delivered to her or him at work, with a note saying that you are thinking of him /her when you are apart.
Have a video made featuring pictures of him/her and both of you (plus kids of you have) using a romantic music as background, and upload it in youtube, give him / her the link in an email.
Random notes -post-it notes in the kitchen, car visor, bath, in the pocket of clothes he/she will use, pillow, gym bag, anywhere,…
Contact family – find out a favorite place, or a gift he/she has always wanted when he or she was a kid. This will show your partner that you went the extra mile knowing what he/she likes and bringing pleasant childhood memories is always a fond moment.
Have a tarpaulin or billboard and “announce” or profess your love for the public to see.
A thoughtful gift – is your partner fond of certain sports? Hobbies? Your mutual friends can help you find out what he or she wants lately if you are running out of ideas. Then slip it in his/her things, car/ trunk, or have someone help you put it in his or her desk before partner arrives at work.
Surprise trips – pack his or her things…snatch him /her after work, then go for a surprise romantic getaway, bring some favorite music and take time to slow dance, to sit watching a sunrise or sunset. Lay by the shore or grassy field and just stare at clouds, reminisce of good days, remind your partner why you have fallen in love with him or her.
When partner is at desk or busy with some work, come up from behind and give a back or shoulder massage, or a spontaneous hug with a light kiss. Get his or her bath ready and give a massage complete with candle lights, a romantic room scent and music.
When you notice your partner has been stressed lately…treat partner to a surprise spa or a favorite restaurant.
When having dinner in a restaurant, have his or her favorite wine served and have special wine glasses engraved with your names and the special date in your life.
Compliment your partner whether in front of others, or alone…learn to see the good in every effort he or she does. Make him or her feel how proud you are of your partner.
Learn to have random childlike fun – a walk through the rain, have fun getting wet with the garden hose. Learn to laugh at yourselves for childlike fun such as these.
Spice up intimacy. Take time to pleasure each other, lots of caresses, tactile stimulation and the like. A deeply passionate lovemaking is one of the most powerful of arsenals in keeping the relationship alive and exciting, and brings such unexplainable connection between two people like no other. It gives one of the strongest bonds between couples and will keep the partners looking forward to be together more.
There you have it – a union is supposedly a lifetime commitment, and as such both parties will always have to work on the relationship by constantly thinking of romantic ideas to keep the love alive.
as featured in http://ezinearticles.com/?Romantic-Ideas-To-Keep-The-Love-Alive&id=6340470
In a related article here (Relationship Killers) it states the top behaviors that start to cause a break up or divorce.
There is one particular behavior there that often takes a partner by complete surprise and say “Where did i go wrong? I didnt see it coming!”
The silent relationship killer -taking a partner for granted.
Sometimes one has become so assured, so confident of a partner’s love, that one will tend to neglect, be complacent take a person for granted, thinking he or she will always be there. Make no mistake about it. No matter how seemingly faithful or loving a person is, unrequited love will always find its way to where he or she can feel loved, needed or wanted. Whether a partner is doing something wrong or not, if his or her partner is not fully satisfied with his or her attention, he or she will start seeking the attention somewhere else. Guaranteed. Then the partner will be shocked one day to find out, whether gradual or sudden, the partner will be saying goodbye.
“Where did I go wrong? I was faithful!”
Being faithful doesn’t stop there. It is not enough in making a partner content.
A good partner doesn’t only mean being faithful or the absence of affairs outside the relationship, but also of working on the relationship to make his or her partner feel needed, loved and wanted. So if a partner starts asking for your attention, begging for more time – LISTEN. That is a danger sign and it only means he or she is trying to save the relationship by communicating his / her feelings of an inadequate love or attention from you. If you do not heed this danger sign, it is a sure fire trigger factor that your partner will start looking somewhere else.
That is why in another article here, Love and Marriage: Advice for a Happy Relationship, I have mentioned loving 100%. Loving like there is not tomorrow, have a blameless kind of loving so that a content heart will not seek another. Never ever make the assumption that a seemingly faithful or loving partner will always be there. As long as a person feels something is missing, this is a small crack that leaves an opening and a weak spot, and once a person meets someone else who fills that gap, then this is the start of the downhill trend of your relationship.
Two-way communication is important – listen to what your partner is crying out for, or have a reality check communication with your partner if there are issues in his or her heart. Make it a habit to discuss regularly, whether it be positives but also more urgent are knowing the negatives. Listen when a partner is crying out for something from you. Repair little glitches and always keep in mind that keeping a person happy and content is the main objective to having a fulfilling happy healthy relationship.
Read a related article Love and Marriage: Advice for a Happy Relationship.
